my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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