I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
