ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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