Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
