i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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