just tell him i said nine months
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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