I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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