I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
