I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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