We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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