1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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