I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
