on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize