First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Be still, my beating vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
