I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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