please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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