He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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