Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
