My first STD was from a foam party
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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