Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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