It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
