Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
