yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
