Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
