Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
