It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
