dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need a beard to bite.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
