Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
