i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
