His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
