"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
soo... how was my night?
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