She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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