I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize