One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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