She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
