ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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