you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
