dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
