I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
