I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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