So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
