On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
