Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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