come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
