i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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