Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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