Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
