Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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