So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there is glitter all over my balls
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