he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
