they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize