a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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