You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
