we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
