So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize