i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize