Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
