I haven't been this sober since birth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
