how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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