I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
