They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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