Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
