She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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