Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
