Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
