Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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