she woke up with a sticky ear
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
