i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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