I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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