you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
