the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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