you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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