I am puke
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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