After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
even my farts smell like vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
