I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
