hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
