i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
