don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
