she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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