I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
