Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
