what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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