His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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