Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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