we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How naked do you want me to be?
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