dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
