apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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