Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
