Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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