She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
