dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
