if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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